As a parent, you are taking on the responsibility of raising a child. It is your job to mold another human being into becoming a productive member of society. It your priority to care for them, watch after them and protect them. You need to clothe them, bathe them, feed them, discipline them and…try to understand them. If your child ends up a failure at life, it seems you only have yourself to blame. It’s hard work. And sometimes you need a nap.
With a lot of things in life, certain situations require some sugar-coating. Kids especially need a little bullshitting in their lives because they’re young, fragile and impressionable. Childhood should consist of nice, shiny things, wonderment and imagination. That’s why we have Santa Claus. In most cases, it’s more fun for a child to envision a jolly old man climbing down the chimney and delivering presents once a year. We don’t say, “Okay Johnny, Mom and Dad are going to give you a bunch of presents tomorrow. Be excited.” There’s no magic in that. As children grow older and mature, they become better-equipped to handle the brutal honesty life has to offer. And we, as parents, become more forthcoming with a series of this-is-how-it-is talks. A) There’s not really a Santa Claus…or a Tooth Fairy…or an Easter Bunny B) Not everyone is going to like you C) Don’t get pregnant D) Keep your grades up E) Don’t get pregnant F) You’re grounded because ________ G) Don’t get pregnant. So on and so forth.
However, in the early stages of child development – we can’t have those talks yet. If I told my 3 year old not everyone is going to like her when she grows up, she’d probably be in hysterics for days and be forever traumatized. Hell, she thinks I’m mad when I tell her to eat her dinner. Children are sensitive, innocent and in-tune. You can’t always reveal your intentions or say to them what you are really thinking. If you did, it’d go something like this:
You say I don't care. You mean Yes.
You say Why don’t you go play outside for a while? You mean Mommy needs to be alone for a few minutes.
You say Let’s lie down and take a nap. You mean Mommy is going to close her eyes for a few minutes. Don’t get into anything.
You say Do you want to watch cartoons? You mean Mommy needs to get some shit done.
You say Do you want to play your video game/color/do a puzzle, etc.? You mean Mommy is trying to listen to this dialogue-driven show so I need you to be quiet for like, 40 minutes.
You say Let’s try this shirt on instead. You mean What you’ve decided to wear looks ridiculous and will reflect on me as being a tasteless mother.
You say There are spiders in your hair! You mean Hold still so I can rinse the shampoo out of your hair. (Okay maybe I’m the only one that does this)
You say Are you tired? You mean Why are you such a pain right now?
You say What’s wrong?! You mean I’ve fed you, rocked you, changed you and you’re still crying. God help me!
You say Stop! You mean This is actually very literal. Please. Stop!
You say Are you kidding me? You mean What the fuck!
You say It’s time for bed. You mean It’s time to drink.
You say You’re so funny. You mean Oh no. You’re going to be a freak just like your father and I are.
You say Do you want a popsicle? You mean Behave and I’ll reward you.
You say Hold my hand. You mean I feel insecure. I’m not going to let something happen to you.
You say I love you. You mean I love you…more than anyone has loved anything in the history of the world. I would do anything for you. I would give all that I have to make sure you are safe. You are the most important thing in my life and I hope of all your dreams come true. You’re the best thing that has ever happened to me. I will never love anything the way I love you.
Kids are so cool. I know a lot of people who have made the conscious decision not to have them, think that their life is awesome thereby making them so much better off than you are. And I’m not out to judge people on whether or not they want kids. Believe me, if you don’t think you should have kids then by God, please do not have them. But you’re missing out. You really are. They will humble you and fulfill you and make your life worth 1000 times more. Living your life completely for another human being makes you feel so small and so big at the same time. It’s amazing when you realize the world revolves around them and not you.
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